Resoration to sanity

I pray. 

I meditate. 

I share. 

I love. 

I grow. 

I am still insane.  Heart tangled up in a web of chaos, dysfunction, and desire to be healthy and sane once again. How do I get there? Where can I find relief?  Where do I lay my restless, useless soul down to stop this madness? 

Life has offered me love instead of anger.  Yet I can release these resentments, past lives filled with mistakes and pain, I want to accept and forgive, but I feel the pull into the darkness consume me. First it was a fleeting thought, then it became a constant reminder, soon it was a hollow place inside me eating away at the very life I built. 

I want to release these fears and have faith.  But I feel my prayers are unheard. Echoes of whiny, desperate plea to change, seeking instant gratification.  And you? Well the path of destruction I create has left you crumbling to the ground clinging for dear life. I’m like Midas, destroying everything around me in a superficial looks good on the outside way. 

I just want to be whole again. If I was ever. Although I do remember a time as a young girl when life was simple, full of hope and love, and the roses smelled sweet. Take me back to there. Restore me to sanity. 


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