I long to be near you but I fear this may never happen.
My heart tells me that you are wandering. I’ve noticed changes too. I no longer get the “I miss you” texts and in my loneliness I listen to you the only fragments I have of your voice. 9/21 “hey hey just called caused I miss you and wanted to say hi. ” my heart breaks a little more.
I see my dreams slipping away through my fingers and I don’t know how to catch them. The day has passed and we haven’t spoken. Your words linger in my mind and I can’t seem to let them go. “Lovers become strangers…” And in the distance, in the silence, you can hear the glass shards break. A few days ago we were exchanging fantasies and fulfilling desires. I felt full and connected. Today nothing but my broken heart from my stranger of a lover.
And yet I know if you were to feel my embrace you would never let go. If you were to hold my hand, my soft caress would comfort you so, nestle you in my bosom and protect you like mother to child. My soft delicate skins offers peace and tranquility to the touch. You would never stop touching.
Yet I knew if we were to make love and I could look into your eyes I could tell you all the things inside of me I’ve been holding back. And with my legs wrapped around your waist, you would enter me. And a union would be born of man woman and spirit and I could hold your soul, intertwined with my so completely enmeshed as one.
You could eat from my garden and be fulfilled the rest of your days, for I know if you tasted my fruits, you would never want fruit from anywhere else. For my juicy red pomegranate is filled with the 613 commandments God gave the Israelites and I carry that blessing in my, in the ancient tribe. My garden grows close to God and all who enter become enlightened with passion and love. For I know I could not live without a farmer like you to plow my fields and sprout strong seed so that life may be abundant with harvest!
I know that our strength as lovers is in physical tactile touch and if you felt mine I would have no more doubts or worries.
Yet at last here I lay in bed alone and missing you. Urning for your words, the only truth I can grasp and today I have none to hold. I’m loosing my baby and my heart breaks a little more.
I pray you will arrive at my doorstep so I can kiss those luscious lips as my pillow has imagined.
I pray you surprise me with a ticket to your home and open the doors to welcome me in your family as I have dreamt.
I pray to be with you at last, wrapped up in sheets and laughter, longing for each others kiss, breathe, caress, longing in each moment as it may be last completely and utterly joyful!!!!! Hallelujah!!!
But like King David, I pray under sheets in tears, alone, wishing for truths yet to manifest. Is it Gods will? I can only hope because if It isn’t I fear I may not be able to collect the shards of my broken heart and mend it. For I have given my heart to you my love.