Sibling love

it was my little brothers birthday yesterday. I haven’t spoken to him for two years, ever since his girlfriend wrote me s nasty letter cutting me out of his life. I still called him for a while after and would leave messages until one day the nber was changed. He is mad at me for having a relationship with his son whom has decided to cut out of his life also. In good consciousness I could stand by that choice.  How can you explain to a six year old child that your dad, who you once knew and admired just suddenly stopped seeing you for no reason, with no note, no words, no call, no nothing? 

Well the last time I spoke to him was on his birthday a few years ago and we fought. I was angry with how he was treating my mom, something that I am still angry with him about.  But I regret that my last words with him were ugly cause they never intended to be my last words. 

Sometimes I just collapse and cry. Sometimes I laugh I want to call him to share. Most of the time the hole in heart aches and grows bigger by the inure and memory I create without him in it. All of the time I love him and want him back in my life. 

Yesterday was my little brothers birthday and it hurts that I can’t call him to wish him a happy birthday. I miss you bro. I really do.